Rubberband Girl

Remember those brick walls I talked about in my last post? I'm feeling like they are about 2 miles tall right now. I'm not even sure that I haven't been inadvertently laying a few of those bricks myself.

It has not been the most pleasant two weeks in my writing career. There have been some ups, but mostly I've been feeling pretty confused and inept. I've received a whole bunch of feedback on my manuscript, and the opinions have ranged from "I love this and I am dying to know more" to "your protagonist is completely unsympathetic and no reader is going to want to turn the page to find out about her. She is petty, mean and unrelentingly cynical (granted, this last was the only person who disliked my protagonist, but OhWow did she hate her!). People wanted more of certain information while others wanted less of the same information. Some people said add character layers while others said give it a stronger plot (make her an amateur sleuth and bungle around for humor!).

And just about everyone who is in the publishing business (meaning agents and editors) say that the addiction theme is completely played out and won't sell. So I would be best off to tone down that aspect of my book if I want it to be saleable.

The upside? Everyone seems to agree I can write pretty well. It's just that the book won't sell.

Arg.

Another upside? I managed to deal gracefully with the editor who despised my protagonist. I'm very proud of myself for not falling apart. I did feel like I'd been slapped, though. Particularly since much of the protagonist is based on me in early sobriety. (she only had the first three chapters and didn't see how the character evolved, but I don't think anyone -even my mother- would describe me as petty and unrelentingly cynical. Sardonic, yes. Mean? No.

In other news, I was recently diagnosed with uterine fibroids significant enough that the first gyn specialist I saw recommended a hysterectomy in lieu of removing the tumors. She claimed the largest one was too big (the size of a lemon) and lodged in the uterine wall, so that was really the only recourse, although if I wanted, I could have a procedure to cut the blood supply from the fibroids which would shrink them temporarily. But she said I'd likely get more fibroids and the others would probably resume growth, so a hysterectomy would be inevitable.

Now, mind you, I am still in my childbearing years. I haven't hit 40 yet. I don't think I want to have another kid, but the idea of a hysterectomy sounds appalling. I've done a bunch of research since last week, and lo-and-behold, very few fibroid sufferrers require a hysterectomy. In fact, they are by and large over prescribed. Furthermore, there are risks associated with hysterectomy, especially for a young woman, that this doctor failed to tell me - like potential sexual dysfunction, problems with internal organs shifting into the cavity and premature menopause.

Hullo! As if the idea of losing a very important part of my guts (my beautiful baby boy was created there!), but those other things are pretty horrible too. The biggest risk with not having the hysterectomy is that the fibroids may grow back and/or new ones will develop and I will need to have another procedure. There is also a risk of the surgery going wrong and an emergency hysterectomy needing to be performed.

Anyway, I suppose this is TMI for all of you, but I am a little freaked out over this whole thing. This surprise health issue on top of the bumpy writing experiences have me feeling -- I don't know.

Did I mention we have slugs in the garden? Damn slugs. I used to use beer traps to kill them. Not an option now. So far they're mostly eating the marigolds and chrysanthemums, which are flanking the vegetable beds to keep the other critters out. But they have munched down on the mustard greens I'm trying to grow. They're pissing me off.

Comments

[CJ]

I, for one, can't wait to read your book. While I'm sure that constructive criticism is really helpful, I think you should stay true to your vision. Sorry to hear about your lumps and bumps. Cori

[Steve E]

Dammmm Agents. Dammmmm Editors. Dammmmm Slugs. Dammmmm fibroyds....what else? Oh yeah...Love Judith!

[David Oliveira]

Well, I guess the best thing to say when everything you say will sound stupid, or patronizing, is nothing. As to the writing, I guess a Pulitzer Prize right out of the gate would be an unreasonable expectation. As to the health thing, well...sounds like a decision not to be made entirely by yourself, which I guess you are doing, given that you did some homework. As to the bugs in the garden, hey, bugs gotta eat too.

Anyway, hang in there. With everything. Just hang in in there.

Peace.

david

[Kristin H.]

Ooooh J.! If I was near you I would take you out for a cup of coffee and a "Fuck All This Madness" bitch session. I really would. Head up young person. I'm hugging you right now :)

[Lou]

I went to a book signing last night, and the authoress has a day job of grant writing. She explained the incredible research that goes into writing a book (her's was set in the 1940's) and the difficulty of getting published today. It was daunting, and you really have to hang in for the long haul is what I got out of it.

You are right about the hysterectomy. I have 2 words for you: second opinion

[Cat]

I always advocate doing tons of research before having any body piece taken out - I mean - if its not an emergency and all...

Damn slugs!

Judith I am with ya - you are way to young to deal with the side effects... Hope you figure out a treatmemnt that will work for you.

Cat

[postpaleo]

Surprise medical factor? This sounds rather familiar. Yup, I just sat there saying over and over, I don't know anymore. But I gots a plan, chances are "theys" won't like it, but it's me, not them. And I'll be damned if I'm going to croak in some god damned building all sterile like. Fuck that noise.

Some surprising things coming out of all of this mess I'm in. Some will be good and some will be bad. It's all perception anyway, just some feels good and some doesn't. Over time, I wonder what I have learned. Over the little time, it is very surprising, this time, as I come back to the point of the med change of what is appearing first. I honestly would have never guessed. And over time, some will still hurt, it's part of it all. Damn, you can't measure happiness without the pain. It's like a victory without a war. Not possible and if you think you did it, you are deceiving yourself. But, there is no cure to any of this, nada, never going to happen. That's what I'm up against and at least they're honest enough to be upfront about it. Appreciated and I just want the facts as best as anyone can opinionate, I'll take it from there. Ultimately it is up to me and I do my homework and I absolutely do not believe everything I read and hear as the gospel. There is such a thing as having lived life and learned a little along the way.

I do sell a slug caller, cheap, only 459 dollars, plus shipping and handling. It is rather large, so plan on another 459 bucks. Mail the check to my account in the Cayman Islands and it will be in the mail, shortly. I trust the US Mail, don't you? Of course you could always buy some huge Marshall amps and plug in a guitar and play Lady of Spain (I think Eddie Fisher wrote it) with heavy electric feed back. It might kill you, I'm not sure if it would be the song or the feedback, but I bet it gets the slugs first. My slug caller is cheaper, maybe, but much less fun. I've also heard that Our Lady of Spain, the other one, is the patron Saint of accordion players. I'm not sure about electric feed back with accordions and I don't know Weird Al to ask. Well I do, but not THE Weird Al, although he is younger. I'll have to think on that one for a while. But maybe a polka party would get the little buggers to dancing too much and just die of exhaustion. That's just a theory though. If none of these work I have more ideas, just ask, I dare you.

Sorry, sold my double barrel shotgun today, it shot slugs too, but mostly I used scatter shot. It gets them there slugs, but it's hell on the plants. I said a firm 300 for it and he said 200. I'm getting 250, but I got a good story for the lack of the 50. I'm a lousy trader and it's worth more than 300. But it's getting closer to that guitar I've been eyeing and will never be able to play a song on, I just like the sound of them. (I know this because my keyboard work is really really bad these days. No, I mean seriously bad. It could kill a slug. Except I'm still not too bad on Nowhere Man. Go figure. Actually it does figure.)

Beer is out of the question? It getting the bunnies drunk? The owl? Spike? This garden has bunny problems. Shotgun would have worked on them and from a distance. Slugs I would have to get up close and personal. I like the bunnies more then I do the garden and the woodchuck that is under the yurt has been there for years and years. He likes clover anyway. Farming, it's never a sure thing, is it. I guess it's like most everything else. Sometimes when you meddle with it, it doesn't come out exactly as you planned and outside things have a way of just popping up and messin with the crops. And then there are those times when everything just falls into place with what appears to be no effort at all. It isn't the way it really works, it was all the hard work and years of practice you put in place long ago and you're to the point where, I think, you could say long ago, in a galaxy far far away. Once upon a time works too. Might not feel that way, but it sounds like it to me and has for a good while now. Seriously. It still feels like yesterday when I blundered onto your blog and I haven't regretted a single moment of it, come hell or high water or whine or wine.

I think I'm going to buy that guitar and learn Lady From Spain. I don't like the new neighbor much anyway. Fucking drunk, keeps throwing his bottles in my yard and not even my old brands, geeezus, and he sure as hell won't like my music. I'm going to meddle. I have a black heart you see. I mean I have to listen to his drunk redneck shit at night, he can listen to Lady From Spain (I think that was considered pop music at the time. I've never heard it, yet.) at 6:00 AM in the morning. Well, as I learn it, it might take years and there will be feed back and distortion. Some of that I won't do intentionally, but I'll enjoy it. He's a fucking slug and he likes beer and that's fine, but he doesn't keep it on his side of the non existent fence. Shot gun would work but damn messy, I do have another. While they (he has constant party's, real sociable type.) shot fireworks off for three long drunk nights I damn near joined in with the roar of rifle fire, but somehow I held myself back. He might straighten out after a while, I dunno, his old man remembers me from my drinking days and may have warned him.

Current thought is, positive thinking isn't all it's cracked up to be. They're now thinking you need a bit of darkness in there to see the light. Fuck, I knew that. Embrace it, it's part of ya, like it or not. Kiss it smack on the lips. I'd adopt you, but trust me you're better off now. I would cut you in on the handling and shipping charge cost of the soon to be patented slug caller though. Think about it, might be a money maker. You have to think positive about these sorts of things. BAHA!! and not the one in Mexico, the Caymans had the better deal.

And stop trying to grow a set of balls. Christ, see what positive thinkin did to ya, you need that black heart in there. Kick em in the balls, don't grow a set. Besides, gravity works on those just like tits. It's painful to sit down sometimes if you don't get them, err, adjusted. That is in the manly art of the hand down the front of the pants, you didn't start young enough to master it, grasshopper.

The Wife said she had it too and they shrunk with menopause. Might not be an option for you, kind of depends and she doesn't know how big they were. She says she would absolutely do the blood supply route. She seems to think it's like a day procedure and if they come back, it's another day procedure. Her eldest daughter had a full done a while ago, but not for that reason, she was in her late 30's. Early menopause so far is the outcome and some of the same trouble that comes with the late type. Like Zappa said, get a second opinion. He didn't and he's dead. And never take medical facts from people on the net, we don't really know what we're talking about. We just think we do.

Lword you. Day or night, always here.

[Patrick]

I'm with Lou on the medical stuff, second opinion. I am not a big fan of doctors, especially lately.

Hang in there!

[Always Carol]

Judith, You make my life seem simple. Good luck with all of it, you will make the right decisions because you are in God's world.

[Madison]

The problem with writing is that everyone has an opinion. Hang in there. I will read your blog. You'll get there. Keep writing.

[David]

Judy, Judy, Judy. You're gonna make it. Is that the theme from Rocky I hear in the background? Ta-dah-dah-ta-dah- ta-dah-dah da-dah.

Go Sox!

[Syd]

Judith, I think that I would put the book down and give it some time. And then pick it back up and work on it. It might be good to take a week or two off from the book and concentrate on yourself and the medical condition. I agree that having body parts taken off surgically would require quite a bit of research on my part. I'm not a big fan of surgery. Time for more consults I think. Take care of yourself.

[Tall Karen]

Hi Judith:

I just read this post too...and I had the exact same thing about 15 years ago (fibroid tumors and they wanted to do a hysterectomy). There is a book called Prescription for Nutritional Healing. It's a book on how to deal with just about every illness with vitamins and proper foods. I folllowed everything it said to do for fibroid tumors and my doctor still cannot believe that they just disappeared. It took about a year...and I was still drinking...and they still went away. I figured what have I got to lose...it worked for me.

[Eli Hornby]

I guess that's kind of the classic struggle, getting pressure to alter your artistic voice for what's commercially viable. Do you believe the publishers that the addiction angle is all played out? If, like you've mentioned before, there's really a market of people looking for more interesting and compelling characters in early recovery then your book could be perfect for them.
Sorry you're dealing with the fybroid issues. I also think a second (or third) opinion sounds good.